Gettin Your Groove Back *Beating Anxiety*

Monday, August 27, 2012

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If you don't keep your fears in check they can take over your thoughts and manifest into something greater. If you have ever had an anxiety attack you know exactly what I am talking about.

I have always loved running. I ran track and cross country in high school and continued to run outdoors up until I got pregnant with my first son. I never worried about a thing. I just ran. Then something changed...

Since becoming a Mom I have let my fears of being type 1 diabetic get in the way of something I love to do so much. I have had such bad anxiety about running outside alone. I worry about my blood sugar getting so low that I become unconscious and pass out. I worry that my phone won't have service and no one will even know where I am. I start thinking if something happens to me my kids won't have a Mom anymore. I know these thoughts are pretty drastic, but they are very real.

I am so sick of letting that dumb little voice tell me I can't do it anymore. This weekend I had a self reflection moment and I told that voice to shut up. I actually might have been a little more violent with what I said inside my head but you might start thinking I'm a crazy lady if I went into all the details. Basically the voice needed to be slapped around a little. I went out by myself and ran and ran and ran. And you know what? I was fine. I didn't pass out and my blood sugars were stable. I was prepared and brought glucose tablets, had my insulin pump and tested my blood before and after running and when that little voice started saying, "You're gonna get low Lindsay, just stop running and go home." I told it to shut up again. It worked. It felt so powerful to beat that little asshole who was taking over my thoughts.

I have decided that I am not going to take baby steps. I am just gonna go for it. As of this weekend, I have committed myself to running a half marathon with two of my friends this January. Talk about jumping in with both feet first (is that how that saying goes?) So yes...that means LOTS of running outside...alone.

I want to show my sons that nothing is impossible, even if God gives you something that might make life a little bit more challenging.

Are you currently letting fears or anxiety hold you back from doing what you have always wanted to do? I have enabled the anonymous comment feature if you want to get it out (hey we all do sometimes) but don't feel comfortable leaving your name.

33 comments:

Urban Wife said...

So proud of you! Life is way too short to spend it in anxiety. Thanks for the motivation! And good luck with your half-marathon. :)

ida said...

I've had attacks of dizzyness since I was 14 years old - I am 31 now. Doctors didn't know what it was, they kind of acted like it was the usual "girls getting into puberty and having the usual circulatory collapses" thing. I knew it wasn't that, but for years and years we didn't know what it was. I never knew when it would hit me, and how hard. So going out with friends, driving places or simply going to the mall made me feel really uncomfortable, especially with many people involved (so it would get harder for me to just leave when I felt it coming). And people didn't understand it either, they just told me to drink more water, to sit down or to sleep more. It got so worse that I would feel dizzy and shaky about four times per week, and once the dizzyness started, there was no way to get rid of it again until I went to sleep. It was horrifying, especially because nobody took it seriously. Then, one day, on a plane from NY to Europe, I read this article that often times, dizzyness in grown ups can be caused by lack of blood flow of the inner ear - the balance system. And the article stated that taking GINGKO would be the best thing to do. Once at home I rushed to my doctor and we immediately put me on a gingko-based medication. I am much much better now, only having the dizzyness get to me about once a month - and then I just deal with it by laying down and taking a few hours off.

Christine said...

I am a mother of two kids under 3, and I am anxious quite a bit. There is just so much that goes into being a mom and a wife and a full-time worker. I get really overwhelmed. It is getting better as the kids get older, and I am sleeping more, and the hormones are settling down. But still, like you, I have to silence that voice in my head. That voice is constantly talking--I have so little "quiet" time. I do feel this need to "snap" out of it... For me, its separating what needs to get done and what I want to get done, and at times, letting go of those wants. Just focusing on what needs to get done, and relax the rest of the time...

Amanda M said...

Congratulations on conquering that obnoxious little voice! I know that fear has stopped me from doing so much. I read some of Conversations with God, not particularly into the book but I liked the idea that all decisions ultimately come down to a choice between fear and love. So now when I have to make tough decisions, I try to figure out which is which and choose love over fear. Easier said than done. But once you start, it gets easier, no?

Jennifer @ Delightfully Noted said...

Good for you Lindsay! I'm a fainter so I totally get your fear about "oh my gosh what if something happens to me and no one know!" I actually just got over a fear of changing jobs. Not that I wasn't dying to get out of the other one but we are dealing w/ some health issues that only my insurance covers. Also, bc I had been there for a few years it was convenient for me to take off all the time I needed to deal with this health stuff BUT I was turning into a miserable person bc of this job. I was kind of afraid of change too. My fear was that I convinced myself I couldn't switch jobs in the middle of all this medical chaos and always had all these excuses and "what ifs" but I finally did and you know what so what I'm surviving! My new job has the same EXACT insurance coverage as my last and these people will definately be sympathetic when I need to take days off. So sometimes I just need to let go of my anxieties about things to see that things usually do work themselves out in the end!!

Lindsey said...

LOVE this! I never dealt with anxiety until I got pregnant with my 3rd child. Then I experienced anxiety attacks quite frequently and they were horrible!! They went away once I had my baby and it has now come back. My middle child has SEVERE life threatening allergies and sending him out from under my wings causes me to have so much anxiety that I feel physically sick. I am doing what I can to protect him and the rest I am just letting go and letting God take over. Thanks so much for the encouragment.

A Pretty Life in the Suburbs said...

This is awesome Lindsay! I've always been a worrier too, but it changed when I had kids, and at times it became more than worrying and turned into anxiety. I hate that word. Anxiety tries to stop me from doing so much - but I use my nasty inner voice on it too because I won't let it stop me from doing anything! ;) (I've thought about starting up running again too, to get rid of the excess adrenaline.) I'm so happy to hear that you signed up for a half marathon - you can do it!! So proud of you! I know how hard it is to overcome the niggling worries - don't let them stop you from doing anything!
Jo-Anna

Alexa said...

Oh Lindsay...I hear ya. I think that becoming a mom has done a number on my anxiety. I'm even kind of afraid to get on airplanes now...never used to happen. It's the fear of leaving my baby behind. I like your tactic. I'm going to try it out. I always remind myself that I can't stop living just because I have a baby. Someday that baby is going to grow up and go off into the world...and needless worry isn't going to do anything.

Shug in Boots {Beth} said...

this is so me, except walking. i've gained weight because of it. i feel like it gets too high before walking, but if i don't, i'll get low. then i'm pissed because it's messing up my a1c. it's like there is no winning. and now, my thyroid is "borderline" low. i'm like WTH does that mean? should i worry about this!? diabetes is very much mental. and it is hard to just punch it in the face and move on, especially when thinking about little ones and a family. thanks for writing this.

Mrs. K said...

That is amazing!! I have anxieties about all kinds of things...working out and body image are the most frequent. They're things we all have to master and I am so glad that you signed up for you half marathon!! Good luck!

Courtney said...

I have suffered from severe anxiety and depression for 15+ years. Honestly I don't know if I know how to live life without it...but it has gotten in the way of so many things I love. I'm not even a mom yet! Gah! But I'm working towards leaving my fears behind. What good to they do anyways!? I've been reading through your blog a lot (love your recipes) and just wanted to say thanks for sharing!

Ashton said...

This was an extremely encouraging post!
I think my mentally behind living with Type 1 diabetes is a lot of perfection. Perfect blood sugars. Perfect eating. Perfect control.

So, as of late I have had a lot of fear of dealing with that and the desire of becoming pregnant. It just looks like this never ending impossible road.
I've had to sit myself down and give it to God many times. And pray that He will give me the strength to start somewhere. :)

Lauren said...

congrats girl! I know you can do it!

Anxiety can so easily plague us, thanks for this reminder that it does not have control over us!

Natalie said...

my cousin was diagnosed with type I diabetes and has ran a half marathon! you can do it! i signed up for my first as well this November. you will be just fine, especially if you rely on HIM. :)

AlishaHB said...

I dealt with some pretty debilitating depression for a while and that got in the way of everything. I took antidepressants for a while and hated them, then I discovered I was pregnant with our twins. The next day I decided to put on my big girl pants and find a healthier alternative to making myself functional and in control of my emotions. I found great help, my MIL, and have fantastic support to help keep myself on the winning side of the battle.
Since then I have dealt with vasa previa with one of the twins, the open heart surgery and subsequent complications with the other with an entirely different attitude.
Good job on deciding not to be the victim in your life. It's easy to say but hard to do when you have real obstacles to deal with.

lowsugarlowcarbslongruns said...

Go get 'em! =)

Hanna said...

This is sooooo awesome Lindsay. I am so happy your back out there again! I bet it feels amazing!

Finley said...

Great post! I stopped walking my dogs w my 1st baby bc I was worried that a stray dog in the neighborhood would come attack us (I have 2 huge dogs) & I wouldn't be able to do anything w baby in tow! Now that #2 is on the way, I plan to take lots of walks with all 4 of my boys and tell my irrational anxieties to shut the eff up! :)

Lindsay said...

I love this post Lindsay. I struggle with the SAME things and always beat myself up over it. Ive learned the more I REALIZE what I am doing to sabotage myself, the better it is...mind over matter. Thanks for making it known that I am not alone :) XOXO

My-cliffnotes said...

Get it gorgeous friend!! I'm so excited for you! You can do it!

sherri lynn said...

You are awesome for getting back out there and telling that voice in your head to shut it! And so exciting that you will be doing a half marathon!

Felicia said...

Finally a moment on my computer to tell you how proud I am of you friend! We will strengthen, uplift, and encourage each other through this process. Its not about time, its about finishing, which we will, no prob! I often forget what it is like for you and my brother to be Type 1. You both have to think about so much before you do anything, I just get to grab my music and run, definitely never going to take that for granted again. You inspire me friend, you always have, even in High School. Love you so so much! We are going to rock that half marathon!!

christina said...

well said! It does all change when you become a mom though...right?! Fears you never even knew you had... :) Great post!

Anonymous said...

I'm a very healthy person, but I have genetic hypertension no matter what I do with my diet and exercise. My midwife has told me this could create problems (preeclampsia) if/when I get pregnant and this is really upping my anxiety level... I'm really scared but there's nothing I can do about it.

Heather said...

I've never been so anxiety ridden in my life as I've been since I've had Eden. Thank you for posting this. You're the best. xo

Rachael said...

I'm working on beating anxiety myself and this post was very encouraging. You're dealing with a very tough issue that no one would judge you for being afraid to mess around with but it's really great that you're out there, trusting God. Thank you for sharing this.

Nicole said...

Great post Lindsay. I've let Type 1 Diabetes get in the way of my running too, not to mention other kinds of fun exercise (I'm petrified of canoeing, sailing, kayaking because I think I'm going to fall in the water and break my pump). It's a moment by moment thing sometimes, isn't it? I finally ran a 10K last fall, and I was so happy I did it, more for my mental health than for my physical health. Keep on, girl!

Anonymous said...

I am a 30 year old woman just diagnosed with Late Onset Type 1 Diabetes (LADA) in March, 2012. It has been such a joy to read your blog and see you dealing with the same issues in such a positive way. Not sure if this will help you but when I go out for runs, I use Dextrose tabs and also have a Fuel Belt Waist Pack, which can actually fit my testing supplies if I want to (http://www.fuelbelt.com/). I think a CamelBak bag would also work nicely. Everyone's sugar burn is different, making nutrition for exercise really personal, but I think all Type 1's are identical in that omnipresent little voice of doubt. Good for you for being prepared and telling that voice to simmer down so you can get on with your running! :)

Katy said...

Just found your blog through Pinterest! I've been running for about 4 months now, and though I'm not diabetic, I do worry about something happening to me if I'm out running alone. So a couple of months ago I ordered a RoadID (www.roadid.com) - I have the cheapest option, the WristID slim - engraved with my name, DOB, husband's cell phone number, and important medical info. That way, if something does happen, whoever finds me will know who to call and will have the info that might affect how they need to help me. It gives both me and my husband more peace of mind when I'm running solo. You might consider investing in one as well as carrying glucose or whatever else you need for an emergency. HTH!

Anonymous said...

I think I read this post when you posted it awhile back, but i just re read it. I feel like it was just what I needed. and I may come back and read it over and over again. Your very encouraging. I have anxiety, although never had an attack. I went to a doctor and she told me I should take meds, I didn't want to so I seeked out natural ways to cure it with diet and exercise. it helped alot but then it's started to get worse again. I have two boys 4 and 1. I constantly worry that something is going to happen to me and they wont have a mother. I always think their is something wrong with me. I can turn a sore throat into a tumor, that's how much I over think things! I'm ridiculous! I need to turn my brain off and kick that little voice in the ass like you said!
Thank you so much for linking to this post Lindsey! You really made my night!
I am going to try tomorrow to be stronger and not worry, for myself, for my children!

Emma B. said...

Just discovered your blog, you are SO inspiring!

71224548-b5b8-11e2-81ca-000bcdcb8a73 said...

I'm 62 years old. I'm only mentioning that so you will see that fear/anxiety takes LIFE away at any age. Thank you so much for your honesty. WOW! Without going into my details, your writing just hit me today right where I needed it. From you new fan.

Anonymous said...

So true! I have begun a weight loss journey after gaining nearly 70 lbs in 2 years. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in high school and needless to say went through some incredibly difficult things being bipolar during HS. Now that I am in college, I am actually afraid to lose the weight. It becomes scary to believe that I am worth losing the weight and becoming a happy and physically healthy person who I love. Thanks for your words, they definitely make me realize that we all have struggles and fears that we cannot allow to hold us back from living our dreams :-)

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