Unfiltered Chaos + I Can't Make This Stuff Up

Tuesday, September 1, 2015



I really try not to be one of those mom whiners but sometimes you just gotta get it out and share the crazy unfiltered chaos because I am sure I can't be the only one feeling like I am going to lose my mind from time to time.

So here goes:

Yesterday I woke up to a beeping insulin pump. It was time to change my sensor. I went to my diabetic drawer and realized I had forgotten to place a new order for sensors and I had none left. Now on a regular basis I would say that my sensors are not completely necessary but with all the stress of the renovation, my blood sugars have been bouncing all over the place so it's a necessity at this point of my life.  The boys were just waking up and being super demanding about what they wanted for breakfast.  I was already extra irritated so I did the whole speal about how they needed to eat the bowl of cereal that I poured for them or I would go outside and cook them up some squirrels like they eat in other countries.  And I am sure those kids are grateful, dammit!

So I am on hold with the customer service department for my sensors and apparently my insurance denied my order since I just placed an order last month. Long story short (for the sensors at least), I must have lost one of my box of sensors during the move and I was shit outta luck.  I was expressing my frustrations with the sweet lady on the other end of the phone when a family of LIZARDS runs across my kitchen floor! I'm talking two very large lizards and two tiny little baby ones.  I scream into the phone, "LIZARDS!!" and the poor lady must have thought that I had actually lost my freaking mind.  She was either so over me or just felt so bad for me, so she said she would send me an emergency supply in the meantime. So that was good...

So now to catch the lizards! All but one of the baby ones ran under the cabinets.  The boys thought this was the best thing ever. I did not.  I scooped up the scared baby lizard into a bowl with a plate on top and told the boys we were going to go let him go outside (where he freaking belongs). Our contractor was not there yet so we all walked outside and found a nice open spot to let him go. At that moment a crew of about 4 guys came around the corner.  I had forgotten that it was concrete pouring day.  I am wearing underwear, no bra and a short baggy shirt. UMMMMM....back inside back inside was all I could think of. The boys did not follow.  They wanted to stay outside and make sure the lizard was "safe." So at this point I am yelling pretty much in the meanest lowest voice for them to get their butts back inside.  They are outside freakin yelling back AT ME asking me if they could keep him as a pet!! WHAT?!

So the day went on.  I had to drive down to County AGAIN to see if our plans had been approved yet (they have not), and without our plans being approved we are basically stuck in limbo of everything not being done.  So that news sucked too.  It was finally the end of the day and I was thinking the worst was over and it was now time for wine.  I put the boys into the bath and decided to do a little laundry. So I went into the laundry room and apparently before we left for school, Max and Ronin had set up "traps" for the lizards.  And by traps I mean giant bowls of Berry Harvest Organic Jelly.  So there they were, the "traps" sitting on the floor with about a billion ants swarming them...meanwhile the boys were in the bath dumping out my very expensive shampoo to create more bubbles.

I just couldn't take anymore. So I half ass wiped up the ants, closed the laundry room door, and poured a very large glass of wine.  Also... the other three lizards have yet to be found.

So to all the ladies who feel like they might lose their minds from time to time, just know you are definitely not alone :)

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

HAHA! I loved this. Thanks for sharing ;)

Amie said...

Thank you so much for this. Couldn't have come at a better time! I just pulled my 4 year old boy kicking and screaming out of a Starbucks and thought I was going to lose my mind. It's nice to know I'm not alone!

Simply LKJ said...

Oh Girl...you had quite the day!!! I would have been pouring the wine right after the lizards showed up the first time around.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I'm only laughing because I had the same feelings yesterday...a time where I am taking a week fast from wine (what was I thinking?!). Hang in there during this reno and as always, thanks for sharing your life
--Michelle

Candice Greer said...

I laugh cried all the way through this HA HA HA!!

natasha {schue love} said...

Ahh love it!! I seriously have these days too, only it usually consists of grown adults at work behaving like my kids! ;)

Ryan/Natalie King said...

I needed to hear this... thanks for sharing! I oftentimes think I am the only one with a chaotic life! Cheers to wine making it all a little bit better!

Nicholle Montalvo said...

You have no idea how I needed to read this. I'm so sorry for your hellish day!! TGFW: Thank God for WINE. We have ants raiding every inch of our house like whoa thanks to this drought+heat wave combo. The other day after Ayden pitching screaming fits all.day.long. and having to clean up ants all.day.long., I thought we had reached the calm end of the day. Ayden was covered in avocado so I ran his bath while he was still in his high chair. I went downstairs to grab him, picked him up and stood him on the seat of the high chair and took off his avo-covered diaper. It stuck between his giant thighs, so I put my hand in to push it down his legs.... and stuck my hand in POOP. At that very moment he grabbed my eyes with his avo hands. When I finally got him in the tub he pooped in it. WHERE IS MY WINE??? *virtual cheers*

XO Momma!

Melissa Blake said...

OH NO!! Sounds like my house sometimes!!! Hope things settle down for you all soon!

Melissa
<a href="http://www.melissabxoxo.blogspot.com>So About What I Said</a>

Mindy said...

Um, laughing out loud. And a glass doesn't cut at this house. We (me) are a full bottle family.

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!! I have a lizard phobia.

Cate said...

Ah! What a day! BLESS YOU! And thank you for sharing so honestly and vulnerably!! Yup, we've all been there!

Sarah Emmert said...

Thanks for sharing! Glad to hear another Mom having a rough day. That was so funny about the concrete workers walking up haha

Kelly said...

So sorry about your day! Thanks for sharing because misery needs company. I have a newborn and a two year old and some days I seriously think I'm going to lose my shit from all the screaming and tantrums and messes and requests. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs out there. I never knew I could feel so "touched out" at the end of the day. ALL THE WINE! xoxo

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