Big Changes

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


I have a confession to make. Before I was married and had kids I would always cringe a little whenever I heard a woman say their dream job was... "A stay at home Mom." That seemed so boring and uneventful to me.

I grew up in a family where both parents had very successful careers, which became their life. My Dad would be gone for weeks at a time on business trips and my Mom never knew when it was time to turn it off. Missing soccer games and important events because work was a priority became a normal for me.

My parents ended up getting divorced when I was 13 and I truly believe part of the reason was because they stopped making time for each other and their careers became more important. Everyone's parents were getting divorced so I convinced myself this was normal. I realize now how much it hurt me. I dealt with some pretty tough stuff while my family was being torn apart (things that I have never blogged about).

I made up my mind that marriage was a waste of time and people just stop liking each other after a while. My plan was to start a career and not even think about getting married or having kids until I was at least 30ish.

Things changed. I fell in love with a boy who I went to high school with and we got married at 21.

My plan to be a career woman was still very important to me when we got married. After a lot of long talks I realized I wanted my marriage to be different from my parents. We decided the best decision for our family was my husband was going to be the main money maker and I would eventually stay at home with our kids.

I knew I wanted to do "something" but someday I would have to turn it off and be content with being a full time Mom. I became a licensed esthetician and I loved it! I landed a pretty awesome job when I first started out working with a team of Doctors. I have always been motivated by money and my job was commission based so I was definitely bringing home a nice chuck of change each month. I became obsessed with selling and up-selling and constantly wanted to make more money. Now there is nothing wrong with wanting to make money but when it starts to affect your marriage and take over your thoughts it's not good. I realized I was turning into what I had feared most.

I took a step back and decided to quit my job and open my own business out of my home. My income was nothing like it was before but it did not matter. I was doing what I loved and helping people achieve beautiful skin...there was no more pressure, it was great!

Fast forward a few years down the road. I found out we were expecting a baby! What was I going to do about my clients and business? I worked until the very end of my pregnancy and started right back up 4 weeks after having Max. My clients were so important to me (sound familiar?). What was I becoming? I was working until 7 or 8pm just so I could "accommodate" everyone's schedules.

Well the time has come where it's time to shut it off for now. I will continue to educate myself and keep my license up to date but taking clients will no longer be my priority. I am pregnant with baby #2 and the most important thing to me is my family.

This weekend I made the plunge and started letting clients know that I will be taking a few years off to "Be a Mom." It felt so liberating!

Being a full time Mom is the best most fulfilling job in the world and I would not have it any other way. My kids will only be little once and I never want to be too busy missing out on things that matter most. I believe in breaking the cycle and I think it has officially been broken.

Oh and one more thing...being a stay at home is anything BUT uneventful. I was way wrong about that one.

*image via

51 comments:

Briana said...

I, too, will be starting a 'new career' of stay-at-home mom after our little girl is born. It feels liberating and scary all at the same time. I've always worked... ALWAYS... so taking the leap into not working and not having my own income freaks me out. But I am so excited at the same time. :)

Olivia said...

Good for you! I love all your skin care tips and posts, so please keep those coming!

Alli from Life on LeRoy said...

Congratulations!! So happy for you! I wish our income would allow for me to do the same! Can't wait to follow you on your new journey. Have a great day-

Susan said...

Lindsay, that's a very powerful story. That's so exciting that you decided to go with what really felt like you. How amazing! If it counts for anything, you definitely use your time and talents from that side of you here on your blog, which I always love to read about. Hooray for you for taking control! That's fantastic. I know you'll appreciate those stay at home years. My mom still reflects back on them and is so glad she never had to miss a day.

Joanna said...

I think when we were all younger we saw a stay at home mom as a bad thing, especially if your own wasn't one. Now as I am getting older and starting a family of my own, I WANT to be a stay at home mom, too. I think being able to see your children grow and take care of the home is worth more than any job can pay. I hope one day I will be able to give my kids all of my time. Kudos to you for taking that step and quitting your job.

Mongs said...

You have just made an important decision that will give you well adjusted children and a strong marriage. At least for me, I never regretted staying home for my kids. Enjoy your new journey, I believe it will be a fruitful one! Thanks for sharing your story, a pretty amazing one.

mongs
mythriftycloset.blogspot.com

sherri lynn said...

Lindsay I love that you posted about this!! It's admirable of you to recognize what you don't want in your marriage and take the steps necessary to get what you do want.

NatalieCottrell said...

Wow, I so appreciate this post. I'm not a mama yet, but I was also one of those gals who rolled my eyes when someone said they wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mom. Having found a special man and allowing my heart to be softened and shaped by the Lord, I realize now that family and the people in your life are such gifts. Work can be such a blessing and very enriching, no doubt. But it is a far cry from the joy of cultivating a family. Moms/wives have such a major role in that, so cheers to you for carving time out for your family and overcoming the example set for you (as well-meaning as it may have been). Happy Wednesday. :)

Tonia L said...

Thanks for sharing your story! I wish you the best of luck! You are so brave and I know you will do as fantastic job a at being a stay at home mom as you did being a esthetician! I look forward to hearing about your adventures with Max and the new baby!

iamalisonm said...

I *never* wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Not even after my first was born. But when she was four months old I realized that giving everything I had at work left me with nothing by the time I got home. So we gave up everything (jobs, house, city) and moved so my husband could take a job that earned enough for me to stay home. 2 1/2 years later and we were able to have number two, move back home, and have a better life. So worth it :)

Jenna said...

SO glad you had the courage to break the cycle :) I hope that one day when I have kids I will also be able to take a few years off to just be a mom! Being a mom is the most important job there is!

xxx
Jenna

Urban Wife said...

Such a thought provoking post. I definitely have lots to think about if/when the times comes for us to have children.

simplyvonne said...

awesome decision! I too felt the same about stay at home mom being so uneventful but now I would LOVE LOVE to be a stay at home mom! One day..oh one day!

Lauren said...

Being a SAHM is probably THE hardest job there is in all honesty. Some days I'm super thankful that I *have* to work (hubs doesn't get health insurance, etc through his job) because in a lot of ways my job is way easier than being at home all the time. It wasn't until I was on maternity leave that I realized I can multi-task like a mad woman at work, but I just cannot do it at home. I still can't. When my daughter is there, it is ALL about her, I can't balance out the laundry and other chores. And I'm totally okay with that! But, I think if I were at home all the time, hubs would NOT be okay with that haha. I count my blessings all the time though that my job is super flexible and insists that everyone put their family first - such a rarity especially in my business.

I am so excited for you in this new journey of full-time MOM - it's going to be awesome!!

Tales of a young mamma said...

Good for you!! I never wanted to be a stay at home mom either- I was a pre law major when I got pregnant, had plans of law school, but the second I saw him, I was instantly changed. I could no longer imagine 80 hr work weeks and missing his whole childhood so law school was OUT! That was almost 5 yrs ago and I don't regret one second of it.

Life Happens said...

I still dream of being a SAHM, but for now, I am a Work at home mom, putting my husband through school (again). I am very grateful for the opportunity I have to work a full-time job, from home, and still be with my baby (I have someone come in during the day to watch baby). Our goal is to have me be a SAHM, full-time.

I'm sure you will enjoy every minute of it!!

Stephanie said...

What an absolutely beautiful post. Way to go for recognizing the cycle and deciding to break it. I hope other people have the strength to break bad family cycles like you have!

Lindsay said...

Oh Linds, I am excited for you to start this new job. I have to admit, my job before kids was MUCH easier than my job now. Being a SAHM is emotionally & physically draining, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I feel very fortunate to be able to stay at home with my children. Good luck friend, you are going to do great. :)

Regina of Live Delightfully said...

Good for you! It's interesting how so many things you said resonate deep within me. But that's a story for another blog... ;) Good luck in this new adventure!

Maya said...

Yay Lindsay! Proud of you for doing what gives you joy. I can't wait to hear the fun Max and baby #2 stories :)

Maya

Hilliary@ Happily Ever Healthy said...

Congrats on the decision! I think it is great that you know what is important to you and you stuck with it! My mom was a stay at home mom for 21 years and I loved having her around all the time. I hope that someday when I have kids I will have the option to stay home with them too!

Matilda said...

I love this post,its interesting and honest yet a very brave disclosure...one day at a time...be your best.

Lauren {love lulu} said...

good for you! It's always hard to make big changes like that. But at least you are brave enough to do it. Growing up, my dad always told me that the most important thing to be done is this life...is raise children. They're little people! People just like us and isn't it the most important thing to make sure we put in the most time raising them?
I'm lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my son. I know that it can't always work out that way for all families.

Heather J said...

good for you! I followed a similar path and have never regretted it. good luck girl!

jessica {creative index} said...

Good for you! Awesome decision! :)
I can't wait to be a stay at home mom! Some day soon hopefully! :)

CAW said...

It is amazing what we learn from our parents mistakes- we can look at it in this perspective: they made a huge sacrifice to teach us a crucial lifelong lesson that will benefit the generation of your children.

I would love to be a SAHM! Congratulations! Enjoy your mommy and me time and as for income if needed Im sure your sidebar would be stacked with sponsors!!

Erin said...

I love your heart. It is so clear that God destined you to be a Mother. You are such an amazing woman and your children will be so blessed to have a mother that is focused on their lives, always present, and most important, a teacher and leader in the faith! :)

Terry said...

Isn't it funny how our perspectives change. I no longer work outside of the home (I used to be a nurse) and I love it. I'm always busy and in fact have a huge list of things I want to do that I haven't gotten to yet. Funny. Congrats on your wonderful life. :)

Anna Elder said...

Congratulations Lindsay! It's wonderful that you two can make a choice like this. Money is nice, but only you and your family can make you happy. And it's nice that your career could allow to pick up a few clients if you wanted to or work part time if you decided to. I think it's great! Congrats again! xoxo

Simply LKJ said...

Congrats Lindsay! As a SAHM of 22 years, I can tell you that you will not regret that decision. I know there are many women out there that would love to be home with their children, but that circumstances don't allow it. But if they do, stay home. My oldest just graduated from college and our youngest will be heading off to college next fall. I am sooo thankful I've had this time with them. They grow up quickly!!!

Amy @ amy day to day said...

I'm so proud of you! I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision, but you're making it based on what's right for you and your little family and that is amazing. Congrats!

Alexa said...

Lindsay, this is so great that you made the decision. Everything you said here is right. I know so many families who have a stay at home mom or a stay at home dad. I think when we have our second child, decisions will have to made over here too. For now, we need my income and we have free-childcare (can't beat that). But I completely agree with you. :)

A Pretty Life in the Suburbs said...

This is an amazing post! I too quit my job to stay home with my babies. Mine are now 9 1/2, 8 and 2. And let me tell you the time has flown by so fast, and I am so thankful that we made the decision for me to stay home with them. The best decision for our family for sure!
Best of luck to you!!! Yay!
Jo-Anna

Mindy said...

I was one of the ones who always knew. At 19 I was certain I would stay home with my future kids. It obviously isn't the fantasy a teenager conjures up in their head, but, for me, it's worth every second of being broke. lol
The daily adult interaction is what I miss most, but hey, that's what the blog is for! :o)

Daisy said...

This is a great post! Very touching :)

Marjorie said...

love your honesty! you are so lucky to be a stay at home mom. one day i would like to do the same.

Sylvia said...

I envy you so much! I just started working yesterday after being a stay at home mommy for two years and it's been really tough on me so far. I can honestly say they were the best two years of my life and were soo far from uneventful. I can't wait to do it all over again, sometime, hopefully, in the not too distant future! Congrats! Enjoy every minute of it!

Jennifer @ Delightfully Noted said...

What a beautiful transformation! I am the opposite of your younger version. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom but I think that is mostly because I have never found a career that I enjoy (other than running my own etsy biz but that isn't my full time gig)I hope if we are blessed with kids to be able to be home w/ them. It hurts my heart to think of puttin them in daycare and letting someone else spend time with them when they are so young and impressionable. I know some parents don';t have choice but I hope to have that option. Wonderful post and good for you!

Hanna said...

Good for you Lindsay and I agree, being a stay at home mom is the hardest job I've ever had and just wait until therer's two of them:)

Jenna E said...

Good for you!!! I am looking forward to being a stay at home mom :)

Brynn {chartreuse and a twist} said...

I love this post, Lindsay. You speak so openly and honestly. I appreciate that so much about you :) Hooray for breaking the cycle! XO brynn

the balanced libra said...

I too had a mom who was/is a "career woman" and I always wanted the opposite for myself! I respect her choice but for me its all about being present for my fam. Theres just no one who can raise your kids better than you. Being able to stay-at-home is a luxury!! Not a 'sentence' which so many career woman are confused by. I am proud you have been liberated by this well-blessed decision! Awesome for you!
There is millions of moments home with babies that you can never replicate or redo if you were always working, but there IS always time down the road in the future to make money! The precious moments with the babes are priceless and you can never get those back!!
I Love you so much! Great post!

theolivetree said...

love this post! I feel like sometimes people feel there is no value in being a stay at home mom.

If feel that I will never look backand regret not building a career first and regret it...I will however look back and regret not being home with my kiddos.

They start school in a few short years...I will work on the career then :)

Erin McFarland said...

Awesome!! I've never heard a mom say she regretted making that choice. May you find great joy and God's peace in the simplicity and sometimes chaos of life spent with your little ones. And I agree it is NOT an easy job...but no job worth the while ever is ;).

catie said...

i love this post! i'm not a stay at home momma yet. i'm not even a momma yet, but i'd love to stay home once we have a little one. :)

thanks for stopping by and the sweet comment. i'm so glad to *meet* you!

catie
ctothec.blogspot.com

Gail @ Sophisticated Steps said...

This really struck a chord in me. Being a WAHM, with two businesses, a busy working hubby, 3 school-aged kids (translation: lots of school work, busy mornings, hectic afternoons AND evenings)...oh and a puppy (yikes), I'm struggling to "keep it all together". I can't keep going at the same pace, but knowing where and what to cut back on is really hard. It's been a very serious matter of prayer for some time.

I'm glad you've come to peace with the decision that's right for you. Now it's my turn. ;)

Great post, Lindsay!

Hanna said...

Not only did being a stay at home mom seem boring and uneventful to me, I never thought I would even be married let alone have children. My husban and children have chnaged me in every way possible. Being a stay at home mother while I was able to do it for a year was the most wonderful profoudn thing I ever experienced. I would give anything to go back and not have to work now. LOved this post Lindsay

Heather said...

Good for you, mama! This is a wonderful post :)

Leah said...

I can sooo relate to this post right now. I have just left my job after a lot of hard work and budgeting. It took us 9 years after having kids to finally get it right, but I agree with you that careers can take over family time. I have been off work for 2 months now, and it has changed our lives! It was very very difficult to take the leap, but it can be done, even with our limited income and this economy. An inspiring and encouraging post!

Jackie @ EatLove&Style said...

You are so great, Lindsay. Right now I am stilling trying to pursue my career and although it may take a while but after reading this I hope that it doesn't stand in the way of my family. Justin will finish school in May and will soon start his career and we're hoping for two more kiddos in the future. I work full time right now and hope that when we decided to have more kids that I can take off a couple of years to be with them.

Jackie

Shug in Boots said...

Yay! Yay! Yay! for you! I totally agree! And it takes courage! (Sorry for blowing up your inbox ... but as I said in another comment, you somehow accidentally got deleted from my blogs I follow, and now I'm playing catch up.

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